A blank canvas.
What if we looked at life like it was a blank canvas?
Does that scare you?
I remember when it scared me.
I had a great thing going for me after the race; a great dream, a great relationship, a great job, a great… everything.
Some would look at my life back then and think that all the things fell into my lap so perfectly when I came back to America after traveling for 11 months.
That’s how it looked on the outside at least.
Inwardly, I was shaking.
None of it seemed to be working out as I expected or planned.
The idea of going back to college made me want to crawl inside a cave and hide.
The thought of living in silicon valley in a nice home, with a nice little picket fence, in a nice neighborhood made me want to cringe.
Getting married within the year made me want to pull my hair out.
That just wasn’t me.
It wasn’t what I wanted.
It wasn’t what I signed up for when saying yes to the Lord.
But I felt stuck because I was in love.
I convinced myself those were the things I wanted because he wanted them.
But in reality, I just wanted to live a simple life with simple things.
I didn’t care about the furniture matching or about getting a house in a nice neighborhood.
Quite frankly, I didn’t even care about getting a house (I still don’t).
Deep down, I wanted to set myself up for success.
Success meaning that if the Lord ever told me to move to another country or state at any given time, I could and I would.
I subconsciously thought that if I stuck around with him, he would change his mind and he would miraculously see how living simply was just so rewarding.
And to be honest, I didn’t trust the Lord to place someone in my life who would want the same things I do.
When things ended between said man and I, my whole life began to fall a part (dramatic music playing).
I didn’t understand, why would God take away the man I loved?
But of course, I would NEVER outwardly say that.
I had to make it look like I trusted God,
that I was just as fine as he was,
that I was moving on too.
But honestly, I just didn’t understand.
In the midst of that chaos, I kept hearing the Father close.
“trust Me”
I’d hear Him say.
“Easier said than done!” I’d scream back at Him.
I didn’t like my job anymore,
I didn’t want to open a coffee shop,
I didn’t want to go to college,
I didn’t want to be in Silicon valley.
My true colors began to show;
my desires and yearnings came to the surface.
Living simply and simply living were the things my heart yearned for.
But how could I?
I was stuck.
One morning I woke up and the Lord knew that my heart was postured in a place to be ministered to.
“spend time with me.” He gently whispered.
There on the floor sobbing I was given a picture of a blank canvas and he said,
“what do you want to do daughter?”
All the options began to flip through my mind like a picture book.
I could do anything that I wanted…
and today I do.
Since that day, I haven’t been able to get that blank canvas out of my head.
There’s so much symbolism with that; a clean slate, freedom, grace, trust, faith, adventure, purity, innocence, new assignments or “callings”, new mercies, new.
That blank canvas is what drives me forward.
It teaches me that I’m never stuck anywhere and that I don’t have to be.
It teaches me the beauty of grace and making mistakes- when I make a mistake, He covers it with different paint to make it beautiful again, to make it make sense.
Throughout the day you will see all different lines, colors, shapes, and sizes in my painting; some beautiful, some messy, some ugly, some mediocre.
But somehow the next morning when I wake up, the painting is blank again waiting to be created into something that has never been painted before.
Every single day is a blank canvas waiting to be painted.
Some of you have heard this story before, some of you haven’t.
I share it now, because I believe that’s the Fathers heart for you.
He wants you to know that every morning is an opportunity to jump into something you’ve never experienced before.
He wants you to know that it’s okay to walk in a direction that terrifies you because He’s with you.
Honestly, I don’t know what it means for you specifically… so ask Him yourself.
But what I do know, is that there is adventure out there waiting for you,
and you get to choose if you want to see it for yourself or not.
Embrace the adventure, friend.
There’s so much freedom and abundant life to experience
every. single. day.
I’m currently support raising for my job; I have to raise $5,581.35/$465.11 per month by December 2015. I currently have $2,224.00.
This does not pay my salary, every dollar I raise for the Adventures in Missions ministry keeps the costs of the mission trips low, allowing more people to go out to the nations! YAY!
I’ve taken this job because I’m passionate about God’s people experiencing something beyond themselves!
I need your help and I need committed monthly donors.
If you feel led, click HERE to support!
If you would like more information and to hear more of my heart behind my job, please email me at [email protected] I’d love to talk with you!
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