Fear of man.

I will be the first to admit that I’ve been afraid of you.

yes.
you.

It doesn’t matter if you’re an atheist,
a brother or sister in Christ,
believer in the big bang,
afterlife,
or some other denomination…
I’m afraid of you.

I’ve been afraid to tell you about my job.
I’ve been afraid to share with you about the crazy miracles and break through I experienced while on the race and even after.
I’ve been afraid to tell you why I do what I do.
I’ve been afraid to tell you that God loves you like crazy.
I’ve been afraid to share a word that I got for you.
I’ve been afraid to pray for you.

Why?
because you intimidate me and I’m afraid of what you might think or say in response.

I’m fed up with my fear.
I’m fed up with caring about what you think of me and if you like me or not.
I’m fed up.
Because I want to love you in the way that God loves you.
Because I care about you and how you see yourself.

I care too much for you know who you are
and desire so badly for you to find freedom from yourself.

But how I can guide you to freedom if I don’t find freedom for myself?

Todd white put it perfectly,

“If I’m free from me, that means I’m free from you too.”

I wrestled with how to get free from myself so that I can be free from you.

The Lord is funny,
He knows I’ve been wrestling with how you think of me.
And recently started to meet me in the most uncomfortable of places.
He meets me when I’m talking to people.
I feel closest to the Father when I’m talking to you.

It’s been a process and it’s intimidated me a lot.
But I knew in order for this to continue, I needed to invite Him into the every moment of my every day,
not just my rough seasons and struggles.

He cares about being a part of my morning coffee breaks,
the walks to the car,
what I put on the morning,
when I stare off and look at the trees or the birds that are flying around me,
the emails that I send,
the phone calls that I make,
the conversations that I have,
He cares about being in my every day mundane tasks.

He cares about those things just as much as he cares about my heart breaks,
my car troubles,
and my financial struggle.
So, I’ve been choosing to invite him into those places.

Today, we went to Sams club to grab a poop ton of groceries for 60+ participants that are coming tomorrow.
My co-leader Katie and I were strolling down the aisles for our first item and we met a friendly young woman.
There was something about her that stuck out; it wasn’t the Sams club vest she was wearing, the struggle she was having with her samples food cart, or the fact that she immediately started telling us about her struggle with her job at Sams.
There was just something about her.

After she complained a bit with a friendly smile on her face,
I began to ask her what she dreamed of doing.
Her eyes lite up and she started telling me about saving the raccoon’s and how they have been so mistreated.

Katie and I listened, laughed with her, heard more of her desires, and then it came to be our turn.
“what do you do?”

Fear came over me,
what will she think?
I asked in my head.

“Daughter, trust me.”

We shared with her what we do and about the mission trip we were leading.
Her smile faded as we explained and I began to feel the tension.

“pray for her” the lord said.

I took a deep breath,
invited my Spirit to be bigger,
kicked fear in the ass and asked,
“can I pray for you?”

“I mean, I’m an atheist, but sure.”

I put my hand on her shoulder with a smile on my face and said,
“That doesn’t intimidate me, I love God, i’ll still pray for you.”

We left and the Lord gave me a word for her.
I walked back over terrified,
What will she think?
“trust me.” He said.
I explained to her my communication with God, told her the word that I got, and it immediately opened up for conversation.
She was real, honest, vulnerable, and open with me.
As she spoke I felt His closeness, His presence, and His love and care for her.
I told her how much God loves her, gave her a hug, and continued shopping.

I left feeling stronger and bolder,
because my Father is stronger and bolder.

I’m choosing not to be afraid of you anymore,
because I have a papa that loves me more than you ever could.
And if you don’t, that’s okay, because my value and worth was settled at the cross.
That is something that I’m sure of.
I’m choosing not to be afraid of you anymore,
because my Father meets me where you are,
and I want to be where He is.

My fear leaves the moment I step out of my comfort zone,
put myself in a vulnerable place,
and do the thing that scares me most.

So, friend,
What are you afraid of?
Because I guarantee the Father is already there waiting for you to step out of your boat.