Letting go.

A while back, I asked the Father what this season is supposed to like for me, this season of staying put in one place I mean, because it’s just not something I’m familiar with.
He told me that it’s a season of waiting, building up the church, giving away what I have, getting behind dreams and being a foundation and support.
“Your time will come,” He says to my restless soul.

The waiting season sometimes seems weary for an adventurer’s spirit;
it’s the season that we all dread and it says “stop and let your roots settle.”

It’s somehow caused me to battle with knowing if I’m hearing Him right.
I thought I did and at one point I guess my expectation of what I imagined to happen didn’t and that just left me disappointed and hurt.
I guess it caused me to not trust the voice that runs my life.

If I’m going to be honest, this season is hard for me.
There are so many things that I’ve had to “let go” of and I can’t seem to come to grips that those deep desires in my soul just aren’t my reality.
Sometimes I feel like it gets the best of me and I forget that my heart truly just wants to be in tune with what the Father is doing now in the present.

Tonight was one of those nights.
I sat in my car outside Kroger and started crying.
When I finally got to my house I turned off my car and sat in silence for a while.

“do I need to let go?” I quietly asked Him.
“yes.” I heard Him say.
“so then why won’t you take it away and let me forget about it so I can just move on?”
Silence.
A few minutes pass, it felt like eternity.
Did He hear me?
I almost felt like that silence was Him sighing, maybe even shaking his head- not out of disapproval, but out of a loving, compassionate heart that says ‘if only you will trust me’. He finally responds,
“Because you won’t let me have it.”

I walked inside my house still letting that fester in my spirit so my heart might finally catch up with my head.

He then gave me a picture that I often get when I’m giving something over to the Lord;

I walked into his room and sat at his feet.
We stare at each other as I present my burden, He kneels down and grips it so gently.

Then the scene abruptly changed throwing me for a loop.

Instead of him looking back me, he looks down;
my gaze match His and we’re both staring at my burden and I notice my hands are still gripping so tightly.
I reluctantly let go and I ask,
“What do I do now?”

Closing my eyes I heard His soft, faint whisper.
The whisper I’ve come to be so familiar with.
The whisper that brings the calm to my anxiety.
“Just trust me.”

I think we’ve mastered bringing things to him, but there’s another step we often don’t want to face because it hurts, it’s hard, and it allows emotions to come to the surface that we don’t want to face yet.
It’s simply letting Him have it,
It’s simply letting it go and letting Him say “just trust me.”

I believe this is what letting go looks like.
I think we often talk about giving things over to him, but we don’t realize that we’re still holding onto it because when crap hits the fan, we’re back at square one wondering why the heck it’s still running our lives.

Well friend, I’m here to present to you what I think I’m finally coming to grips with.
It’s probably because you’re still holding on and not fully releasing it because the “what if’s” take over and you’re just not sure what your life will look like without it.

I encourage you,
just as I’m learning this as well,
to take that second step and fully release whatever it is that’s keeping your life from being that blank canvas or clean slate that we so long to have.

Jesus died so that we can live,
if what’s holding you back from abundant life is not letting go,
then what was the point of His sacrifice?

He’s bigger than whatever “what if” you come up with,
so let go of your fear and take that step towards Him because He knows your life and He’s full of life.

You’re awesome and I love you.