Bravery.

I often hear the father tell me that I’m brave and strong in some way or another.
It confuses me, because I feel so far from brave.
If anything, I feel vulnerable and open, exposed and transparent.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, because my idea of bravery is action and daring,
heroic and bold,
like Indiana Jones or something.
I feel like I’m none of those.

I’ve been in a good place lately; but just because I’m in a good place, that doesn’t mean there aren’t things in my heart that are crying out for answers.
It doesn’t mean uncertainty doesn’t exist in my faith walk.
And sometimes, I just feel like I’m holding on by a thread.

Today I took a day of rest; it was an invitation from the Lord at 3 AM this morning when He woke me up and told me to drop my day plans.
I fell back asleep unsure of what today was going to look like,
but when I woke up I sensed that He was going to take me to a place in my heart that still needed tending to,
the fears that still kept me chained to people and current circumstances.

I ran a few errands and when I got home I felt Him tell me it was time.
It was hard for me to walk into my room,
I didn’t feel ready,
so I brought a book… just in case.

As I sat on my bed, I began to let my fears come to the surface, 
I knew He was there, so I cried out asking the Lord for answers rattling off question after question.
I lost myself, I couldn’t tell where the Fathers voice was and everything I heard sounded so cloudy.
I felt alone.

“I don’t know what truth is.” I finally whispered.
“Yes, you do.” He whispered back.

I wasn’t alone.
I started to tell him about what I was afraid of and why.
He took my hand and led me to where the fears came from and asked:
“will you release these back to me? What if your worst case scenario happens, will you still love me and follow me? Will you still trust me?”

I stared at all the situations I’ve found myself buried in for so long and knowing He could handle the burden with open hands I said, “you can have this back. Yes, I will still love you. Yes, I will still follow you. Yes, I will still trust you.”

I let tears roll down my face as He reminded me that He was trust worthy, loves me, and cares for my heart.
He told me that He wants to go the dark places to bring light and I was brave for letting Him come with me so that He can set me free from the fears that were trapped in my heart.
He said that He’s with me wherever I go, no matter what happens.
I left my room feeling so much lighter.

I am brave.
It’s the courageous act of going to the most vulnerable places with my Father and not being shaken or moved by the fears because I know He’s holding my hand.
I’m realizing that I’d so much rather go there with Him than I would by myself, because I know there’s a purpose and He’s going to redeem them and set me free.

Through these experiences with Papa, I come out a stronger and braver woman because I’m no longer chained to people, situations, or scenarios.
It’s a process and maybe He and I will have to revisit them again and again, but each time it gets easier.
I’m not afraid, because He’s trust worthy and good.

I will choose to be brave in my vulnerability, because it takes vulnerability for relationship to build and grow.
And I know the more vulnerable I am with Him, the stronger our relationship will be and the more I will know His voice and trust Him with my life.

I believe this is an invitation for you too. I don’t share this story just to be vulnerable and put myself out there, but to share with you a glimpse of His heart that I got to experience and it’s a piece that’s for both you and I. He’s caring, compassionate, and desires that intimacy and realness.

When he invites us to go into the places that scare us most, He’s at the door waiting. it means there’s an agenda. It means there’s a purpose. It means there’s freedom.

Will you choose to be brave and vulnerable with Him today?
It’s worth it friend, I promise.